


A Game Called Snowball Fight

by Merixcil



Category: Batman - All Media Types, The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
Genre: Gen, Legos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 12:26:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17662631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merixcil/pseuds/Merixcil
Summary: Batman has Joker over for an epic workout sesh, but the clown would rather play in the snow.





	A Game Called Snowball Fight

Outside, Gotham was covered in snow. Which was confusing, because it made everything feel like Christmas and Christmas was two months ago. Batman growled at the deceptive weather and turned away from the window, wishing that he had kept his cape on so he could flick it out behind him. Like some kind of awesome vampire. Yeah, that would be badass. 

Despite the cold outside (but really, it wasn’t that cold. And it wasn’t like Batman had had to stop playing Snowball Fight with Alfred and Robin because his fingers started to feel like popsicles. That would be ridiculous. Batman was very heatproof. He just had some grown up stuff to do. In the Manor. He couldn’t play outside all day) it was positively roasting in his bedroom. Because when Batman pumps iron, he pumps hard. It took an awful lot for him to start sweating, but if he wanted to be the supreme awesome saviour of Gotham City, he had to cross that threshold every day. That was his sacrifice for the people. 

So it wasn’t like he could play kiddy snowball fight games all day anyway. 

“Whatcha doing, anti buddy?” Joker was all up in Batman’s face before he could answer. “See something going on out there? Some sort of evil villain plot that you’re gonna have to foil?”

Joker’s ridiculous green eyebrows bobbed up and down in excitement. 

“No!” Batman scowled. “What are you doing off the rowing machine? I thought you came here to work out.”

Joker giggled. “Work out? Come on! That’s all a cover, right? Like when people say they’re gonna Netflix and chill.”

Batman had never chilled for one second in his whole entire life. Let alone Netflixed. “I’ve been working super hard on my detective skills and my punching skills.” He informed Joker. “If you want to keep up with me, you need to get on the floor and give me two hundred crunches.”

When Joker started his crunches, it almost seemed like he wasn’t totally pumped to be working out with Batman. Which was ridiculous because this was objectively the best thing that could ever happen to anybody and an honour he only bestowed on his most hard-to-beat villains as a reward for giving him such an awesome workout in the streets. 

“I quit!” Joker said, before collapsing in a completely unimpressive pile on Batman’s carpet. “This is so lame, Batman! Why don’t we go do something fun? Like a snowball fight!”

“Because a snowball fight isn’t fun. It’s for kids. Nothing for kids is fun.” Batman stomped over to his dumbbell wrack and picked up his most impressive looking set. The one with the supersized cardboard pieces on each end that Alfred had painted ‘500kg’ on. His own, personal trick for making the jump to heavier weights in no time. 

Joker stood up, shaking his head like he thought he was Batman’s mum. Psyche. Batman’s mum was dead. “Ya know, I’m gonna go see if Bruce Wayne is around here. Maybe he likes to have fun more than you!”

“Bruce Wayne could never have fun with you!”

“I’d like to see him try!”

And with that, Joker stormed out of the room. What a waste of a good workout partner. His face had still been white when he left, not like he brilliant pink of Batman’s cheeks as he moved into his thirtieth rep with his mega half tonne weights. 

Half an hour later and he was up to five hundred reps. Pretty tight. Would have been tighter if there were someone there to watch him hit the big numbers. He’d just have to pull the tapes from his security feed and show them to everyone the next time they were all over in his mega luxury cinema complex. 

The irritating sound of people having fun without him drifted up from the grounds below. Batman wouldn’t be a great detective if he didn’t take the time to at least check that no local kids had managed to hijack a boat out to Wayne Island to play in the truly righteous quantities of snow that gathered in the grounds. By the time he realised that it was just Alfred, Dick and Joker playing Snowball Fight, he’d already deduced that this was the most likely source of the noise. He was just that good a detective. 

Alfred wound his arm back like a professional cricketer (Batman knew what cricket was, he was very cultured) and hurled a snowball fight at Joker’s face. Joker laughed, then threw it right back while Dick did some gymnastic moves that were almost impressive in the snow to celebrate. 

It did look like fun. Not that Batman needed too have fun. Or to chill. Or to Netflix. 

And his cape would help keep him warm if he went outside. 

Batman decided that his gym equipment was tough enough to manage an afternoon without him. He threw off his sweaty clothes for Alfred to pick up later and dashed over to his bedroom to get into his best and most awesomest Snowball Fight outfit. Which just so happened to include a pair of triple insulated waterproof gloves. Nothing to do with his hands being cold, they just helped him make better snowballs. 

**Author's Note:**

> Two years of me and Batman babyyyyyyyyyy
> 
> The Lego Batman Movie remains the greatest feat of human creativity


End file.
